Category Archives: Uncategorized

More Studies on Gays

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Over at Proud Parenting they report that one in five gay male couples are raising children. This is good news. The post then goes on to talk about a study of gay men and how parenting effects them.

The new study will explore whether gay men respond to the challenge of parenting differently than straight men.

According to San Francisco State University, the National Institutes of Heath has awarded Professor Colleen Hoff [pictured] a $275,000 grant to study how parenting impacts gay men’s health. The two-year study will examine changes in gay dads’ stress levels, lifestyle and health habits, relationship dynamics, peer networks and exposure to antigay discrimination.

“When parenting-related changes occur in the life of a gay man, the stakes are much higher since they are already disproportionately vulnerable to risks such as HIV, substance abuse and depression,” said Hoff, professor of human sexuality studies and director of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality.

The study will be the first to examine whether becoming a parent causes gay men to regulate their lifestyle in ways that protect them from risky behavior, or if the stress of parenting leads to increased health risks.

Am I the only one who is offended by this? I don’t think any harm is meant but it isn’t as if gay men go out one night and then find themselves pregnant. Gay men who have children put far more thought into the decision to have children than straight people and probably lesbians as well simply because they can not carry a child in their own womb.

Is parenting stressful? Hell yes. For straight people and gay people. Infants don’t care what their parent’s sexuality is they are still going to wake them up every two hours those first few months. Do some parents handle the stress of domestic life by making bad choices? Hell yes, but I doubt because they are gay. Maybe because they don’t have a good support network or they never learned how to cope under difficult circumstances but hardly because they are attracted to the same sex.

Where is the study of parenting and its effect on the population who do crack? I’m tired of studies that try to find differences between gay and straight people. If you want to generalize there really is only one difference, otherwise we are all just people. Some who handle stress better or worse than others.

House Cleaning Blog Style

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Less than 48 hours to go! Is anyone else as excited as I am to have the new school year start?

I will soon be able to blog on a much more regular basis. In anticipation of that I wanted to post a few reminders.

If you aren’t already following me on Twitter please do. I follow back everyone who follows me. You can also follow me on Facebook too. I think it’s the right link. I was just going to type that I don’t understand how people can spend so much time on Facebook but when I went to get the URL I lost 20 minutes. Hmmm….

This here blog is now available on Kindle. Of course if you found me here I don’t know why you would want me on the Kindle too but then I don’t have one so I have no idea how the whole thing works. If you have a Kindle and you subscribe to blogs please leave a note in the comment section and let me know how you like it. I’d love to get one but I don’t commute on a bus or train, I don’t actually commute at all, I can open a book easier than a Kindle as well. The price tag alone keeps me from purchasing one but they do look cool. I’d love to be able to download a book in the middle of the night.

That’s about it for now. Starting Tuesday you can look for more regular posts on this blog as well as the others.

More post to come

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I really need to post more often, or shut down the blog. I hope to post more as soon as the kids are back in school so hang in there with me.

Has anyone noticed the solicitous nature of the comment section? Presumably only on blogs like this one that are not updated frequently because my other blog doesn’t get them. Escort service? Really?

I’m not really sure of the direction of this blog. I’ve gone the political route but that seems to be preaching to the choir. I’m also sick of politics. I care very much what is going on with marriage equality but when someone like Richard Hatch says he was thrown in jail because he is gay rather than the very public tax evasion I have some issues.

I will post more often in the coming weeks so stay tuned. You can always check out my other blog which I manage to post to at least once a week at Redhead Ranting.

Times have changed

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When my father first came out, at least within the family, I didn’t tell anyone. I was a shamed which is no surprise since we were not even allowed to discuss it with each other. “Allowed” might be too strong a word since no one ever said we could not discuss it, we just didn’t. It was clearly a subject that made my parents uncomfortable and things such as a person’s sexuality were not discussed with children.

So we didn’t talk about it. I wrote a little about in my journal but that was something the teachers at school looked at, I didn’t keep a private journal for years to come, so I didn’t say much about it and what I did was written in code so the teachers didn’t know what I was talking about. It’s funny I wrote about my parents drinking with no concern for what the teachers might think, and if they did think anything they never said a word, but I wasn’t willing to let our family secret out of the bag.

Eventually, as I got older and realized that people knew my dad was gay, I didn’t hide it so much. After my first divorce I dated a man who had been left by his wife when she came out as a lesbian. They had a daughter so I could relate to her pretty easily but even more important to me was that they, the divorced couple, seemed to be handling the whole situation rather well. The relationship with this guy lasted for a couple of years but was never meant to be anything serious. He came into my life when I needed him and left when I didn’t any longer. I learned an incredible amount about myself and other people due to this man. After this relationship, whenever I met a new person one of the first things I said when introduced was that my father was gay. It seems crazy now but at the time it was as if I couldn’t prevent it from coming out of my mouth. Because I was meeting creative people it was not the least bit shocking and no one was ever judgmental. I suspect if they were going to judge me it would not be because my father was gay but because I couldn’t seem to shut up about it.

My father’s homosexuality is not the first thing I say when introduced to people these days. I rarely mention him unless the conversation calls for it which isn’t very often. I’m not ashamed of him but I have my own accomplishments and challenges that define me so when introduced to someone we talk about the things we have in common, the things that helped us meet, usually those are not dead gay parents so he comes up little in the first few conversations.

I don’t have a purpose to this post, I’m not surprised that this change has occurred, it seems rather normal actually. Time has moved on. I still wish we could have discussed some of this when I was a kid, I don’t know if it would have helped, probably not, the world was not ready for something like that. There are days when I wonder if it is yet. Things are changing, for the better, not as fast as they should but certainly faster than I would have imagined 25 or 30 years ago.

I need your help

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Sorry I haven’t posted in so long. It seems my last few posts have been apologies for not posting. It isn’t that I don’t want to post or even that I have nothing to post but I have been struggling with a few issues lately. Issues that are related to this blog but not directly.

I’m never sure how much to reveal in my blogs. Obviously this blog is highly personal but it tends to be about the past so my day to day struggles usually don’t make it in this blog. My irritants and rants show up on my other blogs, as well as this one but still it isn’t all that personal.

I have been struggling with issues that are not easily summed up in a short or even long post but I will try to share it with you as concisely as possible because I need your help.

As some of you know I have been working on a book. I sat down one day last year and started typing for several months. I have always planned on publishing a book about growing up with a gay parent. When I first started writing, my book was filled with anger so I set it aside and started over. I didn’t like the tone of the writing or the end result. I didn’t want to publish something that was so negative because my experiences were not negative. I wouldn’t trade any of them for something different. So I started over and found that I had a talent for making people laugh at uncomfortable things.

I showed my writing to a few people and was encouraged enough to send my manuscript, or at least a portion of it, on to a few publishers. I received replies from all saying the same thing, I needed to develop the stories a bit more but they thought the subject matter was not only fascinating, intriguing and timely but also pretty damn funny and entertaining.

And then life got in the way. I shelved it again, right when it was just about finished, because of work and obligations I have to my kids and mother. I also think I shelved it because I was frightened of finishing it. If I finished it and sent it to publishers and they rejected it then what would I do?

And then I had a stunning realization. I don’t want to live my life in fear and yet I had been. If I don’t make the time to finish this book, which is something I have wanted to do since I was in third grade, I will never do it. I’ve made plenty of excuses for not finishing it. I don’t have the time, I don’t know how my family will respond to it, I can’t afford to finish it, I should be looking for a real job instead of taking the time necessary to finish it. And the list goes on and on.

I’m 43 years old and I am currently unemployed, there couldn’t be a better time to finish this project of mine. And there is so little left to do in actuality. I’m close to the finish line.

But I need your help. I need to generate income and the only way I can think of to do so at this time is to offer an excerpt of my book in exchange for donations. The size of the donation is up to you. All who donate will receive the first two chapters of my book in a Word Doc via email. I have set a goal to have a contract to publish or an actual published book by November 1st of this year. The top twenty donations will receive an autographed copy of the finished book when it is published. I realize it might not seem like much now but in twenty years or so it just might be worth something. Y’all could say you knew me at the beginning.

I read years ago that Harper Lee was given the income to live for one year so that she could write To Kill A Mockingbird. She hung around some pretty influential and wealthy people and I am not expecting to generate anything like a years worth of income but the gesture that those people made to her was powerful and what a wonderful piece of work she produced which she would not have done if she did not have the generous gift of her friends. I’ve decided to have faith that things will work out and that I will accomplish this goal which I have been striving for for most of my life. I’m scared to do this but I’m even more afraid to continue to live without taking incredible risks.

I want to thank you for your support whether you donate to my cause or not. If you have been a visitor to this blog I need to thank you. It is the feedback I get from this blog and the others that keeps me on this path, I don’t think I would have gotten this far if not for all of my readers.

Thank you.

Rick Warren and The Purpose Driven Life

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Sorry I haven’t posted in a while I didn’t realize it had been so long.

Years ago I picked up The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Rick Warren is the megaevangelist who heads up the Sadleback Church. He delivered the invocation at the inauguration of President Obama. I picked up the book because it seemed everyone was reading it and I am prone to do what everyone else does. I didn’t get around to reading it right away and when I realized that it was a christian book I put it back on the shelf. Recently I picked it up again, probably due to the press Rick Warren was getting. I wanted to read his book to see what he had to say.

I got about four chapters in and decided it was a bunch of hypocritical drivel. In the introduction he writes that he has been praying for me. Me, Jen, the author of this blog, he has been praying for me. I never met Rick Warren but he is praying for me. I’m kinda touched by that.

He writes:

“As I wrote this book, I often prayed that you (me) would experience the incredible sense of hope, energy and joy that comes from discovering what God put you (me) on this planet to do.”

I’m all for hope, energy and joy and having an idea of why we are here, me at least, is a good thing too. If any of you figure out why I am here please let me know since I haven’t figured it out yet. I’m glad that Rick is praying for me. I’ll take prayers from anyone. I say that in jest but seriously if someone goes to the trouble of praying for me I am humbled. Really.

The book is set up to be read one chapter at a time. One chapter per day in fact. I cheated and read several chapters in one day so don’t tell. I was a little irritated to find in the first chapter that it isn’t all about me. He says that. “It’s not about you.” the opening line of the first chapter says it is not all about me even though he just got finished saying he was praying for me and that he was glad I found his book. I was a little confused with the bait and switch but I let it go for the sake of research.

He talks about the ability of people to discover their purpose prior to his writing this book. They were all wrong because they were speculating, even the best philosophers didn’t know what it was all about, they could only guess. Rick knows, its all about pleasing God. We were all put here to please God.

That’s a good argument if you believe in God but what if you don’t or are at least suspicious? When I was a kid I thought of God, and what little I knew of him came from Sunday School stories that were dumbed down, not unlike myself when I was playing Barbies. I set up the situation they were in and controlled it completely. Unless I was playing with a friend and then I had to bend a little. I decided if Ken got to go out with Barbie. I decided what house or vehicle they were going to spend the day in. When my friend Tricia got the plane Barbie and Ken spent weeks on that plane. It never occurred to me until I spent hours on the tarmac waiting to get clearance to take off what a drag that was. Ken and Barbie didn’t seem to mind however. When I was finished playing with the dolls I threw them in a box and forgot about them. Sometimes the dog got a hold of them and ate their feet. If I had been paying attention I might have done something but by the time the dog started chewing on them I didn’t care much about Barbies anymore.

I had maybe 5 or 6 Barbies. I played with them for at least four years. After that I was done. I have no desire to play with Barbies anymore. I realize I am not God and that if there is a god he probably has a long attention span than I do, but forever is a long commitment.

Anyway, I have gone off topic, let’s assume that we are here for God’s pleasure.

If God made us all to entertain him then the mess that is going on down here makes sense. If we are here because he loves us and created us in his image then there are a few things that aren’t right.

To be continued tomorrow…

Her 15 Minutes Are Up

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Isn’t Carrie Prejean’s 15 minutes of fame up yet? I don’t want to go all Parez Hilton on her but this woman needs to shut her mouth. Getting Donald Trump involved isn’t helping her either.

If you have been living under a rock, Carrie Prejean is the woman who claims she lost the Miss USA title because she answered a question about marriage equality honestly. She doesn’t believe that gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry. I think she might have said it was “icky” but don’t quote me.

Recently nude pictures of her have appeared on the Internet, pictures she claims were taken while she was a minor and still naive. Apparently, according to Ms. Prejean, it is okay to exploit children but not okay for two people who love each other to have the same rights that other couples have.

Donald Trump, upon learning about the racy photos, says she will not lose her crown as Miss California. Does anyone care? He went onto say, about her marriage equality stand, that if she was not such a beautiful woman that what she said would have never made the headlines. In other words if you don’t look like Barbie no one listens to you. I’m not sure if that statement helps the cause or not but it’s probably true to a degree. And without sounding too snarky, she isn’t all that pretty, she looks like every other young woman in California, and I have a hard time imagining having any sort of intellectual conversation with her. Listening to her I can’t even tell if she understands what she is spouting about gay marriage.

Her fifteen minutes ought to be up soon.

Need a Removal Company?

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It’s been years since I have visited London but I love the city. If it weren’t for the rain and the extremely high cost of living and the fact that they drive around in little cars on the wrong side of the road I would love to live there.

If I were going to live in the UK I would probably start out in a small flat, just to get my feet wet, and then move to a larger place. In order to do that and because I wouldn’t know anyone there who could help me move I would be sure to hire a removal company. I’d also have to learn that a removal company is the same thing as what we call moving companies here.

The first thing I would do would be to get removal quotes. I’d try and get at least three but that’s just me. I’d start with Man & Van since it’s a really cute name and because they will give me up to four free quotes from different removal companies. I’d check out their site because it’s easy to use and doesn’t have a lot of flashing images and stuff that slow down my computer and because they have free removal quotes. And best yet the removal quotes are without obligation. It couldn’t be easier.

Finding a moving company that takes care of your stuff is not easy so it’s nice to talk to several removal companies. Man and Van is one of those resources that can help you find the right moving company for the job. The help you plan your move and can even connect you with home services.

Yes, if I were to move to the UK, Man &Van are the folks I would call or click on to find the best removal companies out there. Check them out at moveme.com.

Well this is strange.

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Due to a peculiar mix up the next post will be about hiring a moving company. It is a paid post highlighting the wonderful services of a great company located in, get this, the UK. So for all of my many British readers out there please come back and read the next post. For the rest of you I apologize, this will not happen again on this blog but a girl needs to make a buck, not a pound but a buck. If you need to read something from me then by all means go to Redhead Ranting, Ergodic Cogitation or any of the great blogs on my blogroll.